winter depressions, simmering procrastinations.

I went through, ( I have before)  all my F-book photos.. all of them.  just looking.
and
although ive felt the icy slip into a sadder mental state recently, the photo time line kinda clinched it.

God, what happened?    

                 shit............                        i think ive peaked...

I mean, its natural, the happiest and wildest times of life usually occur in the 5 years after high school.

but shit..... those past photos.....  where i am now...
                       alone on a couch, alone in the living room, housemates all out, me not invited, list of friends in this town is nonexistant, and im broke again.....  to much alone fun, too much money spent.

ugh- then there was the 'investment' into the pine needle.  geeze.

Im such a fuck up write now,  school has been laking due to apathy.  
I spent extravagently, leaving my bank account at 00050.76,
my social life.....  well.... never mind,

my antisocial life, however, is booming!

Im getting plenty of sleep, hours of practicing the guitar, reading novels, some beer, smokes, the unicycling has a ways to go, but whatever, ill get it in a year.
....
....
.....
i cleaned my room today....   i suppose motivated by growing hornyness, that and the smell.

god, and ive become such a guy lately, checking women out, thinking about sex...
I dont do those things!   but now sex is creeping into my desires like alcoholism sneaks into the green room on wednesdays..... sigh.

"heerrrrrrrr-oooooo----iiin.  be the death of me"     sigh.

Lena cant come out to play..... her boyfriend wouldnt take it to kindly..... sigh
alright, that seems like enough to this season.

oh but i didnt mention Dr Fid, and Dr. Foote.  aka Big Country, and Big Foot.  they make me feel sane.
and they are truely great together.   sigh,  to think that at one time i thought xtine had it in for me.
for her sake, im glad she doesnt.    

okay, ill take a second and work on a few summarizing lines.


sometimes reminders of the past can put a damper on the present.  
its a hinderance to view life as wrongs or writes,or ups and downs,
but instead, see it going in the only possible direction it can;
-Forward~